The Semester Inventory – Fall 2009

Yes, it is truly coming down to the end of my semester here at The University of Tampa.  Since I know how pigheaded and short sided I can sometimes be, I’ve decided to write out what I’ve learned about people in the few months that I’ve been in this collegiate setting.  That way, later I can look back over it and remind myself of the trials, tribulations and triumphs of the Human Spirit.  We all have lessons to learn, right? This is my list of ones I’ve seen.

Without further fanfare, I present the Inventory:

The world is a much worse place than most of us even want to know.  We avoid it, living in our own little bubbles, selectively seeing and hearing what is really going on around us. We should really, really stop that. Without people to do something about it, it’s just going to get worse.

Technology does not always make people smarter.  The more you rely on technology instead of doing things the old fashioned way, the dumber some people get.  Call it laziness.  We become complacent with the internet at our fingertips, answers for everything in seconds from your iPhone or Smartphone.

The education system in this state is abysmal.  Teaching children to pass a test (the FCAT in this instance) instead of teaching them how to apply the knowledge they gain is causing High Schools to turn out some of the dumbest kids I’ve ever seen in my 33 years on this planet.  They don’t know how to take notes, do a term paper or think for themselves. Terrifying.  Who is going to be running this country in a few years? We are only a few years away from “Tila Tequila, President of the United States” if things keep going they way they are now.

My cell phone is the most expensive instant messenger I’ve seen.  I don’t talk to people on the phone much anymore, everything revolves around a text. Why talk face to face when you can instant message someone anywhere in the world at any time?  Who doesn’t carry their cell everywhere nowadays? Who isn’t always on it? I’ve never seen so many people with a phone glued to their ear or in their fingers for texting as I have when I moved to Tampa.

People are quick to judge about anything.  We are a self-righteous bunch of shit heads, aren’t we? We label and categorize people to fit our scheme of life. I can guarantee: for every person you’ve ever talked “smack” about, made comments about behind their back, they’ve probably said the same thing about you. And some of us are much better at it than you think.

People who juggle work and are a full-time student have my respect.  It’s a very tough thing to do well.  My own balancing act isn’t quite as great as some of theirs.  They even manage to have a real life outside of all that they do.

People can also be ridiculously petty and envious over nothing.  You might think your life sucks, but I can also guarantee someone out there is envious of you for something you would never have thought of on your own.

Fun is a precious commodity.  If you juggle as many things as some people do, if you don’t have fun once in a while, you will explode.  Fun is a life requirement.   If you don’t have fun, what are you working for exactly? Do you hate your life?  Get out and do something fun. Life should have those moments, it’s what makes it worth living.

If you are a younger person and you are a college student, do not do the following: Do not go up to the man in the class that you know is much older than you, older in fact that the professor, and ask him how old he is.  Then, when he tells you he’s 33 don’t say, “Wow, I thought you were a lot older.” It’s not a great way to break the ice. It’s also very impolite to point out the amount of grey in his hair as you try to fumble for a way to make up for asking his age.

The library on campus is not a very useful resource in the Technology Era.  I’ve never even been inside of ours since school began in august. It’s sadly all about resources, and the internet is faster, more convenient, and closer than a library. Not to mention you gain 12-15 articles instantly for a term paper if you know where to look. That makes me sad in a lot of ways.  I used to love being in a library.

That brings me to this: The internet is not just for porn.  Yes, it is convenient for porn searches. The internet is a much more powerful resource if used correctly. If you like to research, it can probably be found. Learn how to use it.

And here’s another technology-era observation for younger students: Wikipedia is not a primary source.  Say it with me: Wikipedia is not a primary source.  A primary source is a place that is factual.  Wikipedia can in fact be altered by anyone, and it is not considered “the source” of true information.  Don’t ask your teachers if Wikipedia is acceptable. It is NOT.  Yes, it is a great place to start.  You can get a great deal of information on a topic quickly.

However, that does not mean you ever cite anything directly from there.  It’s a place to start gathering info on a topic, then decide what to further investigate about it from there.  It isn’t the end of the search. It could probably be considered, in some cases, a tertiary source at best. And don’t give me the argument that it has been used as a Primary Source in certain court cases. I’m well aware of that, and still don’t care. It is not an acceptable primary source. Period.

Cell phones are never okay in a classroom.  It’s extremely disrespectful to your professors, your colleagues and your fellow students. Not to mention, it’s also a distraction.  How would you feel if you were talking and someone started playing with their phone, obviously ignoring anything you have to say? Oh wait, you probably wouldn’t care.  That is sadly the world we live in now, where basic communication skills have been tossed out the window in lieu of the ever-present cell phone and internet.

Something else I’ve noticed: a lot of people don’t know how to take notes effectively.  Particularly the younger students at the University are not accustomed to taking notes at the collegiate level. Teachers don’t always write everything you need to know on the board.  I’ve heard a lot of kids complain that some of the teacher’s notes don’t make any sense. One girl even said, “If I took a picture of the board after she finishes the lecture and showed it to someone outside of class, no one would understand what the lecture was even about.” Yes, that’s largely true; they expect that you will edit the lecture yourself and decide what is most important about what they were talking about. A very good rule of thumb is that if a professor says it more than once, it will probably be on the test. Note taking is a skill and it can be learned. It just takes adequate practice and the development of your own shorthand system.

Someone should also teach a class on time management skills.  Those are totally invaluable in college.

Term papers are a process. A well written paper can take several days to truly develop from your initial notes to the final draft, much like everything else in life.  Take some time to really understand your topic before you pull an “all-nighter” to write a paper.  If you have notes to work from, it makes the whole process that much easier.  Also, you should really write from an outline.  An outline is a great way to get everything you want to say in a nice, linear fashion. It helps stop you from wandering off topic (like I’m prone to do!).

In addition to these collegiate/world lessons, I’ve also seen some great things.  I’ve seen people be compassionate, kind, generous, welcoming, friendly and humorous too.  Being in a weird place like a dorm building takes some getting used to, but you do meet people just in the course of your day to day life, whether it be on the elevator, or in the lobby that are just as uncomfortable as you are at first.  That setting can bring people together that wouldn’t normally have associated with each other.  For a lot of these kids, I think college is a much needed wakeup call about life. It has shown me that even in a few short months you can see the transition some of these kids make as they start learning how to be an adult.  A little life experience on your own goes a very long way.

Above all else?  Anything worth having in life is always worth working for.

 

 

The Ogre of 4D

What a shitty couple of weeks this has been.

Resident 4D1

Last week I was very stressed out.  I think it was mostly because of my schedule, I was still in the process of getting adjusted to it.  Lucky for everyone that I feel much better. Hopefully I won’t be storming off and chewing out some poor girl upstairs because she is moving furniture at 11 at night.  I can be a very cranky bitch when I’m having trouble sleeping.  I bet she doesn’t do that again, however, after I went all Ogre-like on her.  Point in fact, it’s been very quiet from the room above me since that night.

I feel compelled to also point out that sometimes if my blood sugar is out of whack, like it can be when I’m sick or stressed, I can be very cranky.  I also sometimes have insomnia, which makes going to sleep worse than a chore.  It’s nothing personal.  It’s best to just avoid me until I feel better most of the time.  Just be thankful that you don’t have to live with me!

My much-hated Government Class today dealt me a surprise: The  professor actually called out some students for their idiotic behavior, and told them that from now on she’d bounce them from class for any disruptions.  It was a quiet, productive class today. That’s a good thing, since we have an Exam on Friday that covers 10 chapters, and it would do those little bastards some good to shut the hell up and listen for a change.

Speaking of Exams, I have two this coming friday.  One in that Government class and the other in the increasingly difficult Astronomy.  It’s amazing that I like that class at all, considering it is a hard science.  The math throws me a little, but I think overall I’m doing well. Or at least, I’d be doing better if he didn’t constantly ask trick questions.  Shame on me for not reading the question more closely.  I’ll not do it a second time.

It’s also been made official that I’m transferring out of UT next semester and into USF’s Anthropology Department.  I received my acceptance last friday in the mail. I’m quite looking forward to actually doing work in my major for a change. I just don’t like the curriculum at UT for Cultural Studies.  Maybe if it dealt with more culture and less bullshit I’d be happier, but I doubt I could ever be happy paying as much in tuition as I am here.

Work is work.  For the past two weeks I’ve been playing file auditor, which entails a lot of data entry.  I’ve gotten much much faster at it though; previously I was able to do one box every 4 hours. Now I can do one box in 2.5 hours, as long as the program we use isn’t going ape-shit because so many people are using it at once.  My first paycheck made any complaints I might have had about the mundane reality of my job vanish.  For that amount per paycheck, I will sit quietly and enter whatever crap they want, as often as they want.

My boss (the lucky bastard) is in Brazil and Argentina for the next 3 weeks. Must be nice! I look forward to next summer when I can take a trip somewhere, anywhere and have a real vacation for a change. Maybe a cruise. We’ll see how much money can be funneled into such an endeavor after I get my tax return next year.

That’ll do it for the night. I’ll write some  more tomorrow about my Astronomy Observation Night on Clearwater Beach.  That should provide plenty of interesting things to say about my classmates.

Here, drink this!

It is official: I absolutely hate my government and world affairs class.  I’m not sure why today I’m suddenly absolute about this other than I cannot take the idiot kids in my class anymore.  Let me demonstrate why:

Professor:  “What is the primary ingredient used in the world’s diet?”

Stupid Kid 1: “Food!”

No shit, Sherlock! I thought we ate buckets of lard.

Professor: “What is the main staple of the chinese diet?”

Stupid Kid 2:  “Chinese food!” (Insert stupid laughter from easily amused peons)

A girl in the second row: (Interrupting professor) “What does dexterity mean?”

If I don’t stop rolling my eyes, they are going to roll right out of my head. The kid next to me says, “I love my laptop, but I don’t really take notes on it during class.  I had some notes from a chapter, but I deleted them.” Point in fact, he’s IM’ing people during the professor’s lecture, which accounts for why he bombed the first exam.

Shush and drink it!

Whenever the kids ask or say something really stupid, the professor looks at me.  What the hell can I do? My suggestion is to give them all anti-freeze to drink.  It’s cheap, easily accessible, and cats love the way it tastes.  I suggested cyanide, but someone mentioned it smells/tastes like almonds, and they might be suspicious. But at a party (you know the kind I mean) you could easily slip in some anti-freeze into the punch.  Those fuckers are too wasted to tell, and then bam! It’s the Jim Jones cult deaths all over again, without the messy religious aspects.

Someone mentioned a few days ago that I’m looking at being here the wrong way, I should consider these kids a learning experience.  (cough) Bullshit (cough) What the hell could these idiots possible teach me? How to text in class without getting caught? I can already do that.  How to fail exams because you don’t study? No thanks, not a lesson I need since I have a nearly perfect gpa.  Of course, this is the same person who told me that he’s glad the girls are away from mommy and daddy, because they can show all the skin they want (I frequently comment that this girl or that looks like her ass is eating her shorts).  Hell, if I wanted a T-n-A show, I could go down to Club Envy and watch topless, used up women shake their bags.

Someone asked me again the other day if I planned on teaching when I get my Masters.  The answer? Only if I want to lose what’s left of my sanity.

Consider my suggestion:  Anti-freeze is a good way to get rid of stupid people.

In other news, work is grand.  I started last week, and today is the first day that I’ve actually had to sit down and really think.  I did something amazing last night….I fell asleep at 8:30!  I ended up awake at five thirty today, so I jumped up and decided to get some work done.  I go in at around 8 every day, and since I’m not capped at only 20 hours, I can get in some extra during the week for a much nicer, fatter paycheck next friday (hooray!)

So my job basically consists of:  type a file number, print the file, collate the file, attach it to a file, and drop it on someone else’s desk.  Shampoo, rinse, repeat.  Not hard at all.  I expected a much more stuffy, uptight place and got a nice, relaxed atmosphere with lots of perks and benefits.  I’m a happy camper.  Several of the new hires were telling me the same thing:  there has to be something wrong with this place!  So far, so good.  Tomorrow is another long day at work for me.  Unfortunately, my blog suffers from lack of time to write, what with reading for school and working all day.  Alas, some things just must be sacrificed in the name of the almighty dollar.  I’m completely okay with that, at least for now.  I’m absolutely sick to death of being broke, and in a week I can finally stop worrying about money.
That’s it for now. Unless “Cosmo Night” turns out to be interesting, in which case I’ll probably blog about it.  Otherwise, another day, another dollar.

The Curse of Dolce & Gabbana, or How I learned to stop breathing in the elevator

That smelly bastard struck again.  You’ve probably heard me complain about one of our building residents before; he’s notorious for wearing entirely too much fragrance.  I woke up early this morning and decided to pop down for a quick smoke before getting started on the day’s tasks. Upon entering the elevator, I felt as though my lungs, allergies and sinus cavaties had been violated by a particular scent belonging to much loved designers by the name Dolce & Gabbana.  I instantly got a headache.

Not only that, but when you leave the elevator and head towards the front door, there is a perfumed wake of stench that rolls ahead of you, out the doors and down into the courtyard.

Please, for the love of whatever God or Gods, STOP WEARING SO MUCH SHIT!  I think this kid bathes in it every morning (insert mental image of a kid splashing his face with a sink full of cologne).  I cannot breath if I ride in the elevator with him or after him.  It literally chokes me full of chemicals.

Perhaps people should be taught how to wear fragrance.  Allow me to explain, courtesy of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  Take your perfume, or cologne and spritz it into the air in front of you.  Step forward and allow it fall around you.  Done.  DO NOT spray seven times onto your body.  The effect is overwhelming stench.  It makes me think you have terrible body odor (which is possible) and/or you are trying to smell like a french whore.  I realize that this kid lives on the status of names, however, we do not need to be smelling him for 3 hours after he departs every day.  I could give a shit less if his “parfume” is Dolce & Gabbana, Armani, or even old spice.  Too much is too much, regardless of the damned name.

* * * * *

In other weird or scary news, Andrew Lloyd Weber has announced a sequel to Phantom of the Opera (gasp of horror) that will open in London in March.  According to the Associated Press this morning, the new show entitled Love Never Dies picks up the story of the Phantom and Christine, ten years after the end of Phantom of the Opera.  It is set, get this, in Coney Island at the turn of the century, where the Phantom has come following Christine’s decision to leave with Raoul.  Weber says that the music for the show will not feature any previous Phantom songs, with the exception of tiny musical moments.  As of right now, Ramin Karmaloo (who played the Phantom in London) and Sierra Boggess (of The Little Mermaid on Braodway) will take the roles of Phantom and Christine. For more information or to purchase tickets (ha!): http://www.loveneverdies.com

Will this musical suck? Only time will tell.

Arrests, Exams & The Tao te Ching

Good Morrow!

I just love the way that sounds. I hadn’t written in a while, and I felt like it was time to lay down some more fun information about my life here in Tampa.

Sitting in my government class yesterday, this is the conversation I overheard:

Tall, Blonde boy:  “I had an eventful weekend.”
Short boy:  “Oh yeah? What happened?”
Tall, Blonde boy:  “I got arrested on Saturday night!”
Short boy:  “What did you do?”
Tall, Blonde boy: “I was driving around with liquor in my car, and the cops arrested me for possession of alcohol by a minor.  My parents were so pissed!”
Short boy:  “They are in town aren’t they?”
TBb: “Yeah, my dad bailed me out of jail.   Here’s the kicker: I got kicked out the Vaughn Center (his dorm) because of it!”
Sb: “So what are you going to do?”
TBb: “I found an apartment for 900 bucks a month.”

My first thought was, “Wow! You are getting robbed if you are paying 900 dollars a month for an apartment!” All the ones my friend and I have been looking at for next semester run in the mid 600’s.  That’s for a 2 bedroom 2 bath as well.  Secondly, I bet his parents were very pissed indeed.  I’d kill my child if he got arrested one month into the school term!  Kids do stupid things, but to me that was really really stupid.  I’m surprised the University didn’t boot him out completely, instead of just making him leave his dorm. They frown upon such ridiculous behavior.

In other news, we still haven’t gotten 2 of our exams back from last week. I fully expected the professors to have them ready yesterday: I’m itching to see what I got on my Astronomy exam.  That test was a total and utter bitch.  My professor is an evil toad, and likes to ask confusing questions that make you doubt your answers.  Not only that, but he practices the fine art of distraction too.  I glanced up at the beginning of the test to see him writing something on the board.  I looked up again a few minutes later and he was doodling pictures of people looking at the sky through telescopes. A lot of kids were sitting there watching him do it.  All I could think is that he was trying to waste our time.  We only had 50 minutes to do the entire exam, and I can see that distraction would indeed cause serious problems when it came to completing it on time.  I’m happy to say his tricks didn’t work on me, and I finished it in 35 minutes (that included my going back over it again to make sure my answers were succinct).  I can’t wait to see if I did terrible or not.

A kid on an upstairs floor (who just happens to be from a town near my hometown) said that he got a 55 on his first exam from that professor.  That is not very reassuring at all.

The government exam I spent several days studying for last week turned out to be much easier than I expected (considering that the material covered was eleven chapters).  It was primarily multiple choice with 2 essays.  I love essays.  It gives me a chance to demonstrate whether or not I know the material well enough to make sense of it on paper.  I ended up using 3 pages total for those two essays, but I feel very confident that I did well.

I’ve started doing research on my Government paper this morning, and I feel like I’ve accomplished a great deal so far today, even if I did sleep in a little bit.  I’m planning to focus my paper on Overpopulation as a public policy in the United States, China & India.  God knows we need less people on this earth, or we won’t have enough food to go around (like we do now, ha!).

Aha, before I forget, I’m officially an employee with a Law Firm downtown. I start on October 13th, so today is one of my last full free days for a very long time. It’s a good thing that I feel highly productive.

I’ve also been working on the Tao te Ching project for World Religions. We have to pick a poem from the Tao, take a picture that we feel represents it, and put it all together into an Essay.  Here’s the picture and poem that I chose:

Death of a Rose

2

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

High and low depend on each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn’t possess,

acts but doesn’t expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

Isn’t that a beautiful poem? I love the image of the dying roses from our courtyard, to me it really says a lot about what the poem conveys. It may not be the final image I go with, but at least it’s a start. I have to remember to pick up batteries when I go shopping:  it’s always the little things you forget.

I shall close for now, but there will be more to come!

The week, thus far

Geez what a long week this is turning out to be. Lets do a quick recap of what’s been going on so far:

Monday was my first exam of the semester, which I’m happy to report an A on.  Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Tuesday was my job interview at the law firm.  First, I felt over dressed.  Everyone that works there is very business casual, but I still think it was a good idea for me to wear that tie.  It’s a very nice place, about 5 minutes from my apartment (ha, if you call it that) building.  Walking to get my car took longer than actually getting there.

I arrived early (always) and was asked if I’d kindly wait.  So I did.  Then, the Hiring Manager came out, and asked me to take a typing test (98 correct words per minute) and a grammar test (that letter was full of misspelled words and missing punctuation).  Then I was asked to wait again until the other hiring manager could get to me.  So I waited….and waited….and waited…and finally they came to get me.

What happened next I hadn’t expected at all.  I was asked a total of about five questions:  Would you considering yourself an independent or dependent person when it comes to work? (Gee, I wonder which I am) What is your ideal office environment? (Does it count if I say this one?) What computer programs are you familiar with (I answered MS Office and Quickbooks, but quickly added “Whatever I don’t know I can certainly learn.”)?  When did you decide to go back to school? (2 years ago.) and finally, When can you start (now!).  That was it. They shook my hand, told me I’d know by friday most likely, but monday at the latest.  I then left and returned to my building so I could study again.

Today I had the much-hyped Government and World Affairs exam covering eleven chapters.  It turned out I severely over-studied.  It was 30 multiple choice questions, none of which were difficult, and 2 essays.  The essays were “Compare and contrast the Authoritarian Government model with that of the Totalitarian model” and “What is a Utopia? What are the defining characteristics of a Utopia, and give two relevant examples.” I left feeling very confident that I did much better than all the kids in that class except for maybe one, who views me as his competition. I can see it on his face whenever I beat him to answering a question the Professor asks.

Picture this:  the kids come in before the test and start with, “I have a concussion, can I retake the test?”  and one girl said to the teacher, “I was supposed to study all morning but I was on facebook.”  Hmm.  LOSERS!  They then proceeded to delay the start of the exam with more stupid crap about various reasons to postpone the test.  All I could think was, the longer you freaking talk the less time we have to actually take this exam.  Needless to say, I was the 3rd person done, but that’s because I wrote 3 pages total for my essays.  I wanted to be sure I got my point across.  Sadly, I won’t get the results of that exam until next week.  She canceled friday’s class because of some stupid thing for the freshmen, which meant most of our class would be gone (hooray!).  That means I get to leave at noon to go home.

Only two more tests left this week on friday.  I have a MS word exam (not hard) and then the much-dreaded Astronomy exam.  I’ve heard stories that his exams are evil, monstrous creations meant to torture kids into submission.  I suppose we will find out.  I plan to spend a huge chunk of tomorrow studying for it.  I’d love to exit this week with a good array of high scores, it makes keeping them up all the easier through the rest of the semester.

I think I’m going to start writing senryu’s about people in our building.  There is one kid that I really feel the urge to write about.  He wears entirely too much ‘Parfum’ and is as shallow as the day is long.  He compared women to cars the other evening by saying, “Well, you don’t buy a car the first time you drive it. You have to drive them several times to be sure it’s what you want.”  My only response to this, in my mind, was in order to drive the car, you first have to put the key in. In other words, I’m questioning this sad, shallow boy’s virginity.

He accosted my RA, who out of kindness was taking someone’s duty on a Sunday night, by asking if she were single. He then looked at me and said, “She’s single” as if I cared. I said, “I’m not interested” at the same time she said, “He’s gay, he doesn’t care.”  This boy then looked affronted and said to her, “You shouldn’t say that to people you don’t know.”  I just shrugged and said who cares.  This isn’t China, this is America.  So what if I’m gay, and so what if people know it.  I am who I am, and that isn’t very likely to change unless they create some ray that can zap me back to “normal” as it were.

My point is, this kid will become fodder for my writing.  It’s rare when you find someone so one dimensional that they scream to be written about.  He is my antithesis, my opposite, the summation of every opposition to my being.  He is everything I am not.  Expect to hear about him again, especially if I have to ride in the elevator after he has sprayed an entire bottle of whatever feminine scent he’s wearing.  You can smell every single place he’s been in the building.  People now recognize him without even having to see him.

The night is young. Let’s see if more people will feel the slash of my pen before it’s over.

A quick Senryu

Government does suck,

Why the hell did I take this?

Essay is the easy part.

Wish me luck, I have an 11 chapter government exam at one o’clock. Yes, I realize the last line of my senryu is over by one syllable. Deal with it, it’s called artistic license.

Deathtrap Review

Deathtrap at the Art Center Theatre, Citrus Hills, FL
3.5 of 5 stars

By Kevin Rookwood

I felt compelled to write a review of the following play for several reasons: first, Citrus County lacks any real critics in regards to community theater (aside from Ms. Ruth Levins who reviews), and secondly, constructive criticism goes a long way in regards to box office revenue.  Without a standard by which to measure these shows, the production quality and value has no basis from which to start, and what you get is a mixed up mess on the stage. I felt it necessary to pen this in order to point out what I considered as flaws, but also to exalt some of the things that needed to be mentioned. These are merely my opinions, and in no way should they be taken to heart. I’m only one man, and what really mattered was the overall audience reaction to the production, which in this case seemed favorable.  With that said, on to the review.

I recently attended a production of Deathtrap, written by Ira Levin, at the Art Center Theatre in Citrus Hills.  Ira Levin, as you may recall, is the author of such diabolical gems as Rosemary’s Baby (classic), Sliver and this play, which is a continuance of his love of Thriller/Suspense with a hint of comedy that Mr. Levin does so well. In fact, Deathtrap holds the record for longest running thriller/comedy on Broadway, and it earned Mr. Levin his second Edgar Award.

Before the show began, the Director, Mr. Peter Abrams, came out to give announcements and a speech. This was the first Saturday performance of Deathtrap at the Art Center Theater.  Mr. Abrams explained a bit about Deathtrap and set the stage for the production.  My first thought regarding this unnecessary speech was, “What’s wrong with this play that it needs to be explained?”  I’ve often heard that a good play needs no explanation. Ira Levin was a master crafter in the genre of thriller/comedy, his works speak for themselves.  As the curtain rose on the first scene, one of the play’s two main characters took the stage, Syndey Bruhl.  What followed was a complete surprise to me: Ira Levin’s diabolically clever work about the darkness of the human soul was imagined as a farcical comedy, not the thriller/comedy it is known for.

There were so many laughs.  I’ve seen previous productions of this work, I never remembered it as being that funny.  Mr. Levin was not a farcical comedy writer.  These weren’t well placed laughs, these were cheap laughs, made at the expense of the dialogue that included a great deal of slap-stick style comedy and mugging from the actors.  The first time I saw this play, I witnessed a cat-and-mouse game between the two male leads – Sydney and Clifford plot to kill Myra, Sydney’s wife.  They conspire to fake a murder, and give her a heart attack.  She dies, and the two move in together.  In the second act the tension builds between the two male leads, and leads to a dramatic, climactic ending where they are both dead.  What I saw this night was true comedy.  It reminded me of vaudeville.

The character of Myra, played by Pam Schreck, is in fact quite a dynamic character.  She is the long-suffering wife of a playwright who has gone to seed, as well as his benefactor when it comes to finance.  The first jump (and probably only genuinely ‘scary’ moment) came when Myra screamed suddenly, a loud piercing sound that rang through the auditorium and gave us all a start.  Cheap tricks, sir, cheap tricks indeed.  Real tension and terror doesn’t require gags like that.

Rounding out the cast was the delightful Fran Barg as Helga Ten Dorp, the famous psychic who lives next door to the Bruhls, and Edwin Martin as Parker, the attorney to the Bruhls.  Both gave fantastic performances.  My only complaint regarding either of these characters specifically involves Helga Ten Dorp, who provides comic relief from the suspense and fright.  With all the comedy in the previous and latter scenes, her comic relief became superfluous.  As a feature character, she should be the foremost comic relief in the entire play.  Edwin Martin was excellent in his role, as always.  I’ve had the pleasure of working with several of the aforementioned people, and it is always wonderful to see them on stage.

I must mention a specific scene in which I have to question the Director’s motives.  In Act II, there is a scene between Sydney (played by Howard Christ III), Clifford (John Govonni) and Parker (Edwin Martin).  Parker sees Clifford lock the play he is working on in his half of the desk and mentions it to Sydney.  After both leave, Sydney decides in desperation to find out what exactly Clifford has been working on, and tries to open the drawer.  What the Director chose to do in this scene was reminiscent of Benny Hill.  With mad-cap music playing in the background, Sydney scrambles about the stage like a lunatic (quite comically) in an attempt to open the desk drawer.  It was overdone.  Too much implicated hilarity in a scene where it should be obvious that the character is desperate to find out what his ‘partner’ is working on without the shtick of vaudeville.

Another area I feel compelled to mention is the two lead actor’s relationship with each other.  These characters are supposed to be lovers, but what I saw in them was fear.  They seemed afraid to touch each other, and even seemed to be embarrassed at having to do so.  At one point, Sydney says to Clifford, “But I love you” and unfortunately it was wholly unbelievable to me.  Their entire relationship seemed forced, and it didn’t make for good chemistry.

While one might think I’m nitpicking in regards to these small things, I assure you that I am not.  Having been an actor and a director in the past, I find myself scrutinizing things that directors are supposed to consider.  The choice of music before, and during intermission, did not seem an appropriate choice.  Whatever music you play works directly to set the mood of the audience before the show begins, and I did not feel Ode To Joy was appropriate at all. In fact, there were several upbeat, lively musical pieces that were played, and it gave the whole thing a smack of farce.  At one point in the evening I could have sworn Ira Levin rolled in his grave.

Was this a terrible play? Not at all. The audience seemed to enjoy the ‘hilarity’ caused by the actors.  I did not enjoy it, since I was not expecting so much comedy at all.   Theater is meant to entertain, in which this play certainly did I imagine, but not for the reasons presented.  Comedy is comedy, and suspense is suspense and never shall the twain meet, unless it is deliberately written in the script (as in the case of Helga Ten Dorp or some of Sydney’s rather scathing lines).

Overall, my thoughts are that the comedy antics should be toned down to more realistic levels.  There are a few gems in the dialogue that need no external antics to make them funny.  The actors did very well in their roles, aside from the few things I mentioned regarding chemistry and director’s choices. I would like to see more of the relationship hinted at in the dialogue between Sydney and Clifford, or at least, the actors themselves to be more comfortable playing their roles during those scenes. The lack of true suspense or thriller was disappointing, but again, the audience seemed to enjoy the production. I would also like to mention that the set was beautifully crafted, and did indeed fit the time period in which the play takes place, and it deserves a round of applause for all the work that went into it.

I give this 3.5 stars out of 5, for farcical gags, cheap scare tactics and unstable chemistry.

Deathtrap can be seen at the Art Center Theatre in Citrus Hills, Florida.  The show’s run dates are September 18 – October 4, 2009.  Tickets are 18 dollars for reserve seating and 12 dollars for students. For more information please visit: http://www.artcenter.cc/ or contact the box office at (352)746-7606 Monday through Friday 1pm to 4pm.

Some Random Haiku

I was rooting around in my old class papers yesterday (looking for inspiration) and I came across some of these really great haiku by another student in my Creative Writing class, and one or two of my old ones.  Yes, technically, these are not haiku but Senryu (one deals with nature, the other doesn’t).  Enjoy these pearls of wisdom by Mike Sanders:

Adult diaper sale
Hey, accidents still happen
Geriatric poop

Hot dog, deep fried beef
Bacon strips, chili cheese sauce
Arteries Attack!

The forest whispers
for my willful beckoning
Softly I’ll follow (All above Copyright 2008 Mike Sanders)

Here are two of mine that I was playing with. The first is kinda cliche.

Snow falls on cedars
Whispering words of solace
The sun will rise yet.

Heaven is full now.
No entry without a pass,
Stop praying for death.

Just some food for thought. Longer blog later about my weekend and a review of the play I saw on Saturday evening.

Wackos, Breakups and Gossip

I somehow got food poisoning on Tuesday.  That’s what I get for eating at the salad bar on campus, I guess. Though, previously it has never made me sick before.  When I got back tuesday from class, that was it. I’ve never vomited so hard in my life.  It seems to be passing finally, though I still have a touch of nausea. Onward to the really interesting parts.

My roommate went to bed ridiculously early last night (I thought I was the one who did that?!) and I found myself rather bored sitting on my bed watching America’s Got Talent.  Since I’m tivo-ing (is that even a gerund? It is now.) it at home, I didn’t want to watch who won, so I decided to go downstairs to grab a smoke and lo and behold, my RA was sitting at the front desk.  She’s a great person, and I always look forward to distracting her from homework by catching up on building gossip.  I’m a notorious gossip-collector, because my own life is very dull it seems and other people do more interesting stuff.  Besides all that, it gives me fodder for blog posts like this one.

She broke up with her boyfriend, she tells me. My first instinct was to say, “I’m so sorry!” but she countered with, “I broke up with him, not the other way around.”  She’s such a lovely person, but apparently he isn’t.  She decided to show me the emails he sent her yesterday after they split, to illustrate her reasoning.  I was so shocked when I read the first one.  This man, who is 28 apparently, sent her hate mail.  I don’t mean poison-pen.  I mean hate.  I counted the use of the word f**k, and it appears in the paragraph 60 times. Here’s a recreation of what I read:

F**k you you stupid B**ch! F**k youuuuuuuuuuu! You piece of shit! I hate you I hate you I hate you F**k you! (It went on for about 9 sentences, much of it the same as above) He concluded the first email with: F********cccckkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrr!

How mature.  My first thought upon reading it? Whoa! Someone’s a f*cking nut!  He sent her four of them, all pretty much the same, in which he called her everything he could think of, from piece of shit to F’ing whore. He told her she might as well burn his stuff, because I guess he has some of hers and she his.  The other 3 emails were basically carbons of the first one.  Then, he sent her an “I’m Sorry” email about six hours later after those 4 tirades.

“I think he’s bipolar,” she said.  Really? I hadn’t noticed.

She proceeds to tell me that he was very “needy” as she described it.  Needy? I’d say possessive and crazy, but whatever.  He would text her constantly, hated when she’d go out (He doesn’t live here, but in south Florida, 3 hours away) because she never really scheduled it, it would be a spur of the moment decision.  He was always jealous of her ex-boyfriends, because she remained friends with them afterward. He constantly accused her of cheating on him (Isn’t that saying ‘the guilty dog barks first’?).

Better off without, I would say.  And so would about 6 other people who were standing/sitting around the desk last night while I was there. One girl, our Head Resident, even regaled her with a story of her own turbulent and violent relationship that included eventual physical abuse.  I think she made the right decision to split from him.  We all cautioned her about going to get her things, reminding her that she needs to take at least one other person with her, which she agreed to.

All of the girls, and even the one guy sitting there, agreed with me when I said men were awful.  This man is 28 years old. Way too old to be acting like a jilted teenager. I suppose some people never grow up.  But the way she described his mood pattern was very bipolar affective.  He’d go way up, ranting and raving about stuff, then slowly slide into a black depression over the period of several hours.  She kept saying, “He’s a nice guy though!”  They always are. Or, at least they appear to be. Whatever he is, it’s fairly clear that something is rotten in the state of Denmark, to steal a Shakespeare phrase. She assured us all that there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell of her ever taking him back.  I hope that is true.

Verbally abusive and physically abusive relationships are much more common than people think.  Her story struck a chord with me: I’ve lived it myself.  My ex was a psycho.  Maybe that’s why I’m still single 6, almost 7, years later.  I can identify with the “He’s a nice guy really” thing, because I myself said it often enough in the course of my 7 year relationship.  She even said her friends hated him, which is always a sign of something.  My friends and even my family, hated my ex.  They probably thought I was crazy to stay with him as long as I did.  For that matter: so did I. Water under the bridge, however. He’s long gone and like the girl downstairs last night said, “I can’t even identify with the person I used to be”.  Ditto.  I look back and I can’t identify with the old me either.  It’s amazing what you will get used to over time. No one should ever get used to being physically or verbally abused.

If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get help.  Violence does not equal love.