First off, thank you to all the people who sent me birthday wishes today. This is the first birthday I’ve had away from home in a while, and even though I had class today, those wishes helped make my day that much better.
Was it a good birthday? Eh. It was a day. That’s the most I can say about it right now. I realize how far from home I feel now. I feel like I’m here at school, trying to do better for myself while everyone else is out having a life. Days like this make me wish I had done this ten years ago, when I was supposed to.
This building that I live in is both interesting and depressing. Interesting because some of the people here seem really nice. Depressing because it’s so much harder to make friends as you get older. The people on my floor and the one above are much more social than anyone else in this building. Sometimes, I say hi to people as they come in or out of the courtyard and they don’t even respond. They either have their ears plugged with an iPod or a telephone. Few people here seem very friendly. Most of them could care less, I think.
I feel very distant from everyone I know today. I’ve had lots of birthday well-wishers, and I’m very grateful for that, but otherwise this day has just been a day. There is really nothing special about it. Once you pass thirty, you stop caring about birthdays. They aren’t exciting. They aren’t interesting. It’s a day, the same as yesterday and tomorrow. Two years here seems an awful long time to me right now. Hell, this one week has seemed an eternity. I’m glad it’s a 3-day weekend, I can’t wait to get out of the city for a few days and get my head together.
Of course, my blood sugar is actually to blame for my bleak outlook. Last night it crashed low and I felt like crap. I’m not used to that happening, that was the first time I’ve ever really experienced a blood sugar dive. I blame it on my diet, which has largely consisted of “rabbit food” (i.e. I’ve been eating lots of salads). Today I actually heaped a bunch of starch into my box, just so I can avoid that dizzy, weird feeling you get when it gets low (it’s not really pleasant). I have to pay more attention to what I’m eating it seems, my body just cannot handle a no-starch diet. It’s no fun to be away from home and feel sick like I have for most of this week.
I wouldn’t say I hate my birthday; it’s just that it always seems so….anti-climatic. I woke up at an early hour to my cell phone beeping from a text message from one of my nieces who was sending me birthday wishes. Then another, and another, and so on. Those make me smile, so thanks guys. Class was dull today, the weather sucked as well. It rained most of the day here, and I had the fun job of crossing West Kennedy in a downpour. Twice. Even now it seems gloomy here. Since I’ve been here for over a week, it’s rained six out of seven days. Better rain than blistering heat, I guess.
Later this evening my roommate and a few people from my floor have decided we are going to pop around the corner for a drink to celebrate (ha). I made sure to eat a lot of crap so I don’t get sick this time, like I did last week. I hate drinking myself sick because I didn’t eat first. I should know better.
After taking a quick smoke break, I think I’ve narrowed down why I feel shitty. It could have something to do with the fact that my bank account is overdrawn. I hate to be broke. I checked my account balance and saw a negative sign. Surprise surprise. I knew I shouldn’t have looked.
As a quick aside, when I was in the courtyard smoking, a couple of “kids” brought down a television and what looked suspiciously like a hookah. Gee, I can only wonder what they are doing with that. That would explain who has been setting off the alarms in the building. The RA mentioned last night that someone had been going down the stairwell to the exit that opens out onto the street next to us, and had been blocking the door open to smoke, causing the alarm to sound after a minute or so. Perhaps I should mention it. I don’t know their names or even what floor they are on. I finished my smoke and left them to whatever devices they planned, considering that if they get caught I don’t want to have anything to do with it. Better safe than sorry. Since I’m here on an honors scholarship, I’m not taking chances.
I can only hope the rest of the evening is better than right now. I need a serious diversion. More later.