I somehow got food poisoning on Tuesday. That’s what I get for eating at the salad bar on campus, I guess. Though, previously it has never made me sick before. When I got back tuesday from class, that was it. I’ve never vomited so hard in my life. It seems to be passing finally, though I still have a touch of nausea. Onward to the really interesting parts.
My roommate went to bed ridiculously early last night (I thought I was the one who did that?!) and I found myself rather bored sitting on my bed watching America’s Got Talent. Since I’m tivo-ing (is that even a gerund? It is now.) it at home, I didn’t want to watch who won, so I decided to go downstairs to grab a smoke and lo and behold, my RA was sitting at the front desk. She’s a great person, and I always look forward to distracting her from homework by catching up on building gossip. I’m a notorious gossip-collector, because my own life is very dull it seems and other people do more interesting stuff. Besides all that, it gives me fodder for blog posts like this one.
She broke up with her boyfriend, she tells me. My first instinct was to say, “I’m so sorry!” but she countered with, “I broke up with him, not the other way around.” She’s such a lovely person, but apparently he isn’t. She decided to show me the emails he sent her yesterday after they split, to illustrate her reasoning. I was so shocked when I read the first one. This man, who is 28 apparently, sent her hate mail. I don’t mean poison-pen. I mean hate. I counted the use of the word f**k, and it appears in the paragraph 60 times. Here’s a recreation of what I read:
F**k you you stupid B**ch! F**k youuuuuuuuuuu! You piece of shit! I hate you I hate you I hate you F**k you! (It went on for about 9 sentences, much of it the same as above) He concluded the first email with: F********cccckkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrr!
How mature. My first thought upon reading it? Whoa! Someone’s a f*cking nut! He sent her four of them, all pretty much the same, in which he called her everything he could think of, from piece of shit to F’ing whore. He told her she might as well burn his stuff, because I guess he has some of hers and she his. The other 3 emails were basically carbons of the first one. Then, he sent her an “I’m Sorry” email about six hours later after those 4 tirades.
“I think he’s bipolar,” she said. Really? I hadn’t noticed.
She proceeds to tell me that he was very “needy” as she described it. Needy? I’d say possessive and crazy, but whatever. He would text her constantly, hated when she’d go out (He doesn’t live here, but in south Florida, 3 hours away) because she never really scheduled it, it would be a spur of the moment decision. He was always jealous of her ex-boyfriends, because she remained friends with them afterward. He constantly accused her of cheating on him (Isn’t that saying ‘the guilty dog barks first’?).
Better off without, I would say. And so would about 6 other people who were standing/sitting around the desk last night while I was there. One girl, our Head Resident, even regaled her with a story of her own turbulent and violent relationship that included eventual physical abuse. I think she made the right decision to split from him. We all cautioned her about going to get her things, reminding her that she needs to take at least one other person with her, which she agreed to.
All of the girls, and even the one guy sitting there, agreed with me when I said men were awful. This man is 28 years old. Way too old to be acting like a jilted teenager. I suppose some people never grow up. But the way she described his mood pattern was very bipolar affective. He’d go way up, ranting and raving about stuff, then slowly slide into a black depression over the period of several hours. She kept saying, “He’s a nice guy though!” They always are. Or, at least they appear to be. Whatever he is, it’s fairly clear that something is rotten in the state of Denmark, to steal a Shakespeare phrase. She assured us all that there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell of her ever taking him back. I hope that is true.
Verbally abusive and physically abusive relationships are much more common than people think. Her story struck a chord with me: I’ve lived it myself. My ex was a psycho. Maybe that’s why I’m still single 6, almost 7, years later. I can identify with the “He’s a nice guy really” thing, because I myself said it often enough in the course of my 7 year relationship. She even said her friends hated him, which is always a sign of something. My friends and even my family, hated my ex. They probably thought I was crazy to stay with him as long as I did. For that matter: so did I. Water under the bridge, however. He’s long gone and like the girl downstairs last night said, “I can’t even identify with the person I used to be”. Ditto. I look back and I can’t identify with the old me either. It’s amazing what you will get used to over time. No one should ever get used to being physically or verbally abused.
If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get help. Violence does not equal love.